An Intimate Emptiness
These last three weeks have been quite the wave since losing our baby girl.
Some days are better than others, some moments are better than others.
The emptiness of knowing we have lost a lifetime of memories.
The emptiness in my womb.
The emptiness in my heart.
The shame of feeling like I did something wrong.
The shame of feeling like I don't deserve to be loved or looked at.
The shame of feeling like I'm a burden and no one wants to hear me.
Yet there are a few beautiful lessons I've learned.
I've learned that it's time to slow down.
I've learned to nurture me first.
I've learned to set strong boundaries with high standards.
And I've fully come to realize who my true family is.
Because family is not just "blood." Family is much more than that. Family is heart. Family is soul.
Family is loving you fully in your darkest moments and in your best. Family is supportive in your hardest days and in your happiest. Family is respecting you and your boundaries, bringing you peace, speaking life into you. Family is holding you tight when you're grieving and suffering while genuinely cheering you on and happy for you when you're winning. Family is never judging nor jealous nor resentful nor disrespectful nor degrading.
And there are beautiful blessings being received.
Doors of life changing opportunities opening up.
Expansive conversations are being had.
Healing on every level, in every area of my life.
And fully understanding the Calling on my life.
In this grief, I have to focus on the blessings.
In this suffering, I have to focus on the lessons.
In this darkness, I have to focus on the light within me.
In this pain, I have to focus on YHWH.
Because He is my strength.
Love,
A fellow mama
P.S- Mama, I would love to invite you to come join our free online community. This space is for mamas of all walks of life who simply want community and to feel seen and heard. This is for the expecting mamas, the new mamas, the experienced mamas, and for all the mamas who have lost their sweet precious babes. I want you to know that even if you have lost a sweet precious babe, whether stillbirth, miscarriage, infant loss, or even had to make a heartbreaking decision please k now that you are still a mother, you still deserve to feel supported in all ways. Click HERE to join our free online community, The Nurtured Well Mama!
